RIO GRANDE CITY, TX - Trump flew to America's southern border this week to announce a brand-new Trump hotel unlike anything the world has ever seen. The planned hotel will be almost 2,000 miles long and will be situated right on the southern border.

"Yes folks, I'm proud to announce we are building a big, beautiful, golden Trump hotel on the southern border," said Trump to reporters. "Land just happens to be really cheap down here, what can I say? The border just looks terrible ever since Sleepy Joe 'Loserface' Biden stole the presidency from me. Just a disgrace. I'll bet he can't even build a wall as fast and cheap as I can build my new Trump hotel. Watch!"

The luxurious hotel will also include an 800-mile golf course and a 1,000-mile lazy tubing river. The southern wall will be a gleaming and impenetrable barrier with Trump's name emblazoned on it every couple of miles.

"Everyone, of all creeds, nationalities, and skin colors can enter my hotel, as long as they enter my hotel legally," Trump clarified. "The only ones not allowed in my hotel are Sleepy Joe, Cacklin' Kamala, and maybe Rosie O'Donnell."

According to sources who have seen the blueprints, the hotel will have plenty of entrances, but only on the north side of the building for some reason.